The Pastahating Bot
by xXKarkatsNubbyHornsXx
Summary: The day was normal. For a while. Italy goes over to Germany's house for a visit and Prussia shows them something called "Cleverbot". It causes Germany to end up with more awkward questions, situations, and confessions than he wanted. GerIta fluff. Yaoi.
1. I hate pasta

Quick author note: This is my first fanfiction! I'm excited :D please review to tell me what you think and subscribe!

Chapter 1- I hate pasta

"West and Italy, just type in whatever you want to say here and it will respond in a few seconds. It's just a robot, so feel free to say anything you want, Kesesese~. Have fun you two!"

Prussia sauntered out of Germany's room, Gilbird perched and cheeping on his head. Italy bounced in the computer chair, eager to begin conversing with the bot.

"Veh, I wanna try talking to it first Germany!"

"Ja, that's fine. Go ahead."

Italy: Veh~ hi!

Cleverbot: How many miles?

Italy: Veh? I don't know about miles, but Prussia always brags about something called his "five meters". Germany won't tell me what he means.

Cleverbot: The meaning of life.

Italy: Veh? Prussia's "five meters" is the meaning of life? Confusing.

Cleverbot: Indeed.

*back in Germany's room*

Italy sat at Germany's computer, trying to process what "five meters" meant and how it relates to the meaning of life. Germany watched over the smaller nation's shoulder, attempting to keep the conversation and Italy under control.

"Germany, what does Prussia mean by "five meters"?"

"You will learn when you're older. Don't ask France. Or Prussia. And NEVER ask him to show you what it means!"

"Veh, why Germany?"

The blond nation sighed and rubbed his temples. He hadn't expected a stupid bot to crop up so many awkward questions from Italy. Damn! Prussia probably knew something like this would happen. Stupid albino ex-nation… Germany turned to Italy.

"We are not discussing this right now."

"But-"

"NIEN!"

Italy quaked with fear at the tone and intensity in the older nation's voice. He gulped and turned back to the computer to continue talking.

Italy: Do you like pasta? I love pasta!

Cleverbot: No.

Italy: Veh! Why not?

Cleverbot: It's the worst food ever invented.

Italy: ….

Cleverbot: Did I say something wrong?

*back in Germany's room*

Germany stared at the screen, eyes widening in horror as he knew the pasta insults would cause an outburst. He knew this would be a problem very soon. As if on cue, Italy turned to him, flailing his arms needlessly and wailing "GERMANY THIS ROBOT SCARES ME IT'S REALLY MEAN AND IT DOSENT LIKE PASTA AND IT-"

Germany was about to snap. He could feel a headache coming on if the Italian continued this much longer. It needed to end. The only way he could possibly calm the Italian quickly was to shock him into silence with a rash and out-of-character act. Germany grabbed Italy's wrist and pulled him into a hug, wrapping his strong arms around Italy's small shoulders. Italy was so shocked, he lapsed into silence.


	2. The bot is a matchmaker!

Chapter 2- The bot is a matchmaker!

Germany NEVER hugs Italy first. After the initial shock, Italy then did what he does best. He hugged back, wrapping his thin arms around the taller nation's waist. Germany felt heat flood his cheeks and neck, rising all the way to the tips of his ears, dusting most of his pale face with a light crimson hue. That's not all Germany felt. A warm, fluttering sensation could be felt in his chest, approximately where his heart is. It confused him, what emotion could have caused this? Could it be…love? No. He couldn't. Or… could he?

Germany broke away from the Italian's arms, turning his back and effectively hiding his red face.

"Veh, Germany is something wrong?"

"Nein, Italy."

"Yes there is. We have been friends for years, I can read the mood almost as good as Japan. Do you not like hugging me?"

Italy put on his best 'kicked puppy' look and pouted at Germany, waiting for a response. Germany was cornered. He turned around, revealing his red, embarrassed, face.

"…no… I do like hugging you Italy. Really."

At saying this Germany's face flushed an even deeper red than before. A ridiculously huge grin had plastered itself on Italy's face. Out of happiness, he sprang at Germany and tackle-glomped him into a hug, wrapping his arms completely around Germany's waist and squeezing him close. Upon this, Germany stumbled under the impact of the hyper Italian, and if possible, turned an even deeper shade of red. If anything else like this happened, Germany's face would be bordering a purplish shade.

"Yay! I knew you liked me Germany!"

Hey, xXTomatoBoxFairyXx here! Sorry for the short chapter, my parents were breathing down my neck for me to get in bed, so I had to wrap up this chapter pretty quick. Do you like the fluff yet? I wuv fluffy stories anyway, please R&R and since this is my first fict, please give me some feedback on how im doing!

Hasta la Pasta~!

-xXTomatoBoxFairyXx


	3. Big brother's plan

Chapter 3- Big brother's advice

*earlier that week*

Prussia strolled down the hallway, phone in hand. He needed to call France to get some help on his plan to get West and Italy together. Germany hadn't told Prussia about his crush on Italy, but Prussia knew his little brother well enough to know when he was smitten. He had decided if his brother was going to be a wuss and not tell Italy, he would put those two in a situation where he had the perfect opportunity to confess. The only problem was Prussia knew nothing on how to match-make, so he called the professional.

"Hey France! Listen, I need your help with something."

"Ohonhonhon, what would zat be, mon ami?"

"Well you see, West has a crush on little Italy, but is being a pussy and won't tell him. I decided to take matters into my own hands and come up with a situation where West would have the perfect opportunity to tell Italy his feelings!"

"Ah, so you need the master of amour to help you create zat perfect situation, non?"

"Exactly. Now I have an idea in mind on how we can do this, but it requires us to borrow some small, easy-to-hide cameras from Hungary and tech support from Estonia. Now, have you ever heard of something called 'Cleverbot'?

Thus, the ultimate match-making plan was born. It would all begin hours before Italy was to visit that weekend. Luckily, Prussia and France managed to convince Hungary to let them borrow some of her cameras as long as she got copies of all yaoi pictures and videos they captured. Estonia was easy to convince, he wanted in on the plan simply because it meant time away from Russia and his crazy sisters. The night before Italy came over, Prussia gathered France, Estonia, and Hungary in the basement to go over the plan.

"Alright, West is going to be gone to a meeting until late tonight, so we have plenty of time to set up for the plan. Hungary, take your cameras and go hide them in West's room. Make sure they are well hidden! If he found them, our plan would be a bust."

"Ohonhonhon, but I like busts."

"Shut up France. That's not what I meant."

"Fine, mon ami. Continue with ze plan."

"Ok, so Estonia, your role will be to hack the Cleverbot site and take the place of the robot. Don't hack it until Italy comes over tomorrow, so that way you wont have to fight for control of the site for such a long period of time. I will send you a text when Italy arrives, and that's when you hack the site. Once you have full control of what the bot says, text me. Then I will introduce Cleverbot to mein bruder and Italy, then leave them alone in West's room."

"Right. Any preference to what you want me to say?"

"Nothing to obvious, say a few random things and see how Italy responds. I know for a fact some point in time he will eventually ask you if you like pasta. Say no, and insult his country and pasta as much as possible. Then Italy will have a total freak out and West will have to comfort him and hug him to get him to stop his wailing/flailing/whining etc."

"Ok, so what will you do once everything is in place?"

"France, Hungary, and I will be in the basement, watching the live stream from Hungary's cameras on my computer. Speaking of Hungary, is she back from setting up the cameras in West's room yet?"

At that moment Hungary burst through the door, frying pan in hand. She had brought it just in case Prussia or France tried anything on her. She knew Estonia wouldn't. He was too nice. She put her hands on her hips and proudly announced

"Ok! The cameras are all well hidden. I hid four so that way we could have a view from various angles! Lets pull the video feed up on your computer to make sure it works."

"Ja, we want to make sure we can see what is going on in West's room."

Prussia swiveled in his chair to face the computer. After a few minutes of having Estonia configure some odds and ends of the feed, he pulled up the four cameras on screen. The screen was divided into four sections, a view on each small screen from cameras in each corner of the room and at various heights. All four of them smiled at the crystal clear video feed. This was going to be good.

*Hey! xXTomatoBoxFairyXx here. I left a little cliffhanger for you guys! Tell me via review, should I rewrite events in the previous two chapters from Prussia's POV for chapters 4 & 5? Or go back to Germany and Italy's POV for 4 & 5? Please let me know! R&R! And as always, to be continued.

Hasta la Pasta~!

xXTomatoBoxFairyXx


	4. Time to spy

Chapter 4- Time to spy

**quick authors note before you start reading, this is what happened in chapters 1 & 2 except in Prussias POV. Enjoy!**

**xXTomatoBoxFairyXx**

Prussia sat at his computer with France and Hungary on either side of him. Three pairs of eyes were glued to the computer screen, eagerly awaiting any action. He had just gotten back from telling West and Italy how to use Cleverbot, and was now waiting for Estonia to work his magic. Currently not much was happening on screen, Italy was just tapping away at the keyboard as West watched over his shoulder with a concerned expression. France fidgeted at Prussia's side, obviously bored with the lack of anything remotely interesting from West and Italy.

"Mon ami, zis is so bored! When will ze start releasing sexual tension or somezing?"

Hunagry turned to scowl at France, making him fidget even more. She shuffled her hand around, revealing the large, steel, frying pan that she had hidden in the folds of her dress. She glared in a very menacing way at France.

"I highly suggest you keep your mouth shut if you wish to keep that so called 'beautiful' face of yours from becoming a flattened pancake."

"Ah, but I only-"

"I said, SHUT UP!"

"But-"

Hungary had enough of him. She whipped her frying pan high above her head, and before France or Prussia could make a single move, brought it down on France's head in the blink of an eye. Prussia's crimson eyes widened in shock as he watched his friend crumple to the ground, knocked out cold.

"In the name of my awesomeness, what the hell was that for?"

"I wanted him to shut up. I was missing all the delicious yaoi."

Prussia stared in awe at the female nation in standing in front of him, wondering how one woman could have the insanity and violence of several of Spain's bulls. He shook his head to clear his mind and proceeded in making his point.

"But nothing has even happened-"

"SHHHHH! Watch!"

"But-"

Hungary raised her pan above her head. Prussia flinched involuntarily. Not that he was scared. He was too awesome to be scared of anything. Hungary saw him flinch and giggled. She waved the pan above her head in a threatening way. Prussia gulped.

"Want this to become one with your vital regions?"

Prussia gulped. "N-no, just p-put it away. P-please!"

"Just keep your mouth shut, and your vital regions wont have anything to worry about."

Prussia turned his attention back to the screen, expecting to still see Italy typing as West watched. But instead, he saw Italy having a complete freak out, needlessly flailing his arms, crying, and yelling so loudly that Prussia was startled by the loud noise and scrambled to turn the volume on his speakers down. West was just standing there, apparently used to this kind of thing from the crazy Italian. He stood there rubbing his temples, looking like he was trying to figure out a way to calm the blubbering nation. Prussia looked at Hungary and snickered.

"Kesesesesese~ I guess Estonia insulted pasta already! I hadn't expected it to happen this soon."

"Ha! Yeah I guess Germany is used to this kind of stuff from Italy, judging by the way hes just standing there in thought."

"Kesese, he probably is. By the way, how long will France be knocked out for?"

"Oh, not too long. I didn't hit him THAT hard. Erm, at least I think I didn't. Should we move him to the couch?"

"Nah, I'm too awesomely lazy to bother moving him. Trust me, hes been beaten much worse by Spain, simply for looking at Romano the wrong way. He'll be just fine if we leave him there."

"Ok then, now shut up! I wanna see what Germany does to calm Italy down, if he can."

Simultaneously, they turned their heads back to the screen. And simultaneously, looks of shock and confusion dawned upon their faces as they looked at something they never thought would happen.

**Heres a little cliffhanger for you guys :D Chapter 5 may not be up for 3-4 days, because tomorrow is New Years eve and I'm going to be partying!**

**Hasta la Pasta!**

**-xXTomatoBoxFairyXx**


	5. Success

Ch 5- Success

A/N: Sorry this took me forever to write! Semester exams are coming up, so I've been extra extra busy lately. Anyway, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, unfortunately. If I did the fluffy yaoi would be canon.

Prussia stared at the flickering computer screen with his mouth agape with shock at West's actions. Crimson eyes glued to the screen, all he could do was sit there with a surprised and pretty ridiculous look plastered to his face. In the background, he was vaguely aware of Hungary bouncing around, spinning in circles while squealing with a sound very reminiscent to the scream of a crazed fangirl, and all the while giggling madly. Ignoring her, Prussia focused on the action on screen. West was _hugging _Italy. What a rare sight, West barely hugged anyone! West hardly even hugged him, his own brother! Yet here he was, strong arms enclosing the bubbly Italian standing in front of him. Prussia had intended West and Italy to get together, but his shock came from two facts.

He was surprised his plan had worked so quickly.

West had initiated the hug.

Slowly, as the shock faded, his infamous sly grin spread across the albino's face. After coming back into reality from his shock, he became aware of a quiet shuffling behind him. He turned his head to see France beginning to sit up from his spot where he was knocked out. He ran a hand through his wavy blond hair, a dazed expression on his face. Prussia snickered at the confused state of his friend.

"Kesesesese, dude you woke up earlier than we thought you would!"

"Oui… _mon dieu_, what happened to me?"

At the sound of France's voice, Hungary ceased her twirling and insane giggling and froze in her tracks. Whirling around to face France, the crazy grin on her face was immediately replaced by a scowl that she pointedly aimed at France. She narrowed her eyes and unsheathed her iron frying pan. France caught wind of her glare and looked up to meet it with a scared expression. At seeing the murderous glint in her eyes and the pan he associated with death itself, he jumped and began to scramble frantically backwards on all fours into a corner of the basement. He buried his face in his quivering hands and murmured.

"Right… zhat's what happened…"

Hungary then seemed satisfied at simply scaring the crap out of France, so she turned around and resumed giggling about what was going on with Germany and Italy. France peeked up from his hands and mumbled just soft enough for Hungary not to hear.

"I zwear that frying pan insanity iz bipolar…"

France crawled out of the corner a few minutes later and headed towards the computer, keeping a safe distance from Hungary who was also immersed in the events taking place on screen. As soon as he got within eyesight range of the computer, his sky-blue eyes widened at the sight. After the initial shock of seeing Germany actually being affectionate for once, a grin dawned on France's face. He chuckled.

"Ohonhonhon~ how long have zhey been like zhat?"

"About five minutes. Are surprised at how fast our plan worked?"

"Of course! I thought it would take another half an hour, but I guess zhey are too anxious! Ohonhonhonhon~!

"I've never actually seen West be like this before, usually he's a real stickler!"

"Shut up boys! Pay attention, something's happening!"

oOoOoBackInGermany'sRoomOoOo

Italy was enveloped in Germany's strong arms, with his arms wrapped around Germany's waist. Germany usually never hugged him like this, it was always the other way around. But… it was a nice change, having Germany's warm, strong arms circling him, his face pressed against Germany's chest. His heartbeat was calming to the small Italian, but something felt off. In the back of the small nation's mind, one question was pestering him. Why? Why was Germany being so affectionate all of a sudden? Italy pulled back and looked up to the larger nation's face to ask him just that.

"Germany?"

"Ja?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Germany bit his lip. This was the perfect opportunity to tell Italy how he really felt. He traced a finger down Italy's cheek, and down his neck. Putting his hand under Italy's face, he gently tilted his chin upwards. Germany pressed his forehead to Italy's and softly whispered.

"Because, Italy, there is something I have been meaning to tell you ever since I met you."

"_Si, _Germany?"

"_Ich liebe dich..."_

And with that, Germany pressed his lips to Italy's. Italy almost immediately responded, kissing him passionately back. Everything then about their situation felt perfect to both nations, as if their lips were made to fit together. Minutes later, they pulled away for air. Italy looked up into Germany's light blue eyes. Italy could see nothing but love and kindness in those endless skies of blue. Resting his small head on the tall nation's shoulder, he whispered gently into his ear.

"I love you too, Germany."

A/N: FLOOFY! Don't worry, the story isn't over :). The next and final chapter will have a twist to it!

Hasta la pasta~!

-xXTomatoBoxFairyXx


	6. Success? Maybe not?

Ch-6 Success? Maybe not.

oOoOoBackInPrussia'sRoomOoOo

The room fell so silent, you could hear a pen drop. The three matchmaking countries all released a breath they didn't know they had been holding ever since Germany hugged Italy. Simultaneously, huge grins dawned on their faces and the basement exploded into cheers. Prussia clapped a hand on France's back and gave a happy snigger.

"Kesese! Look at West, he finally got the balls to tell him! Even better, that pasta dude loves him back!"

"Oui, I have to say that even though I don't get along with him that well, I'm relatively happy for our newfound couple! After all, I am the master of l'amour, so I am happy for whoever has fallen to its clutches!"

"Hungary, what do you-"

Prussia turned his head to see Hungary trying to stifle a massive nosebleed with her hands, dripping crimson blood all over his carpet. She had a crazed smile on her face despite her circumstances. He dashed over to a tissue box in the corner of the basement and ran back to her before her nosebleed could get any worse. Hungary grabbed a handful of tissues and pressed them to her nose. Prussia sighed.

"Really Hungary? A nosebleed? They weren't even making out hardcore or anything! It was simply a light kiss dude!"

"Ehe, sorry. When its yaoi my imagination starts running wild. Like with you and Canada…"

Hungary mumbled that last sentence too quiet for Prussia to hear. Prussia cocked his head curiously to one side.

"Hmm, what was that Hungary?"

Hungary smirked, her eyes glinting in a somewhat knowing way. Prussia and Canada were her next matchmaking project. She gave a giggle.

"Oh, nothing.."

"Whatever. Anyway, aren't you excited for my little bro? He's manning up!"

"Yeah, of course!"

And so the conversation and cheering between France, Prussia, and Hungary continued, totally forgetting Germany's room was directly above the part of the basement they were in.

oOoOoInGermany'sRoomOoOo

The two nations continued to be entwined, both unwilling to let go of the other. That is, until loud cheering and yelling could be heard from what sounded like…underneath them? Italy jumped in Germany's arms, startled by the sudden change from silence. His innocent face peered up into Germany's.

"Um, Germany? What is that ruckus? It sound like its coming from below us."

Germany froze, ice blue eyes widening as the possibilities flooded his mind. There was only one person that lived down in the basement. And why would he be cheering? Unless… he somehow knew about him and Italy. Germany lifted a hand and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration and annoyance.

"Oh mein gott… is this really what I think it is?"

"What Germany?"

"Its my idiot bruder again. Come on, we're going down there!"

Germany grabbed Italy's wrist and half dragged him towards the basement door and down the stairs.

oOoOoInTheBasementOoOoOo

Hands on his hips, Prussia was cheering and yelling like the rest of his crew. Hungary was skipping in circle, waving her frying pan carelessly in the air while France ran around trying to avoid being hit by the flailing piece of metal. Prussia continued to snicker as he turned back to the computer screen to see how West and Italy were doing, only to see that they were both not in the room. His crimson eyes dilated in horror as he waved a hand to shut up France and Hungary. Prussia whipped around and made frantic calming-down motions with his hand. France and Hungary turned to him and immediately clamped their mouths shut, simultaneous looks of shock on their faces. Right as everyone was silent, angry stomping could be heard on the stairs. Prussia panicked.

"Shit! Quick everyone, HIDE!"

Before anyone could make a move, the door was kicked open to reveal a very angry German.

A/N: Enjoying the twist? This story will be wrapped up in the next chapter, because I be tired of updating this story :P But I think its turned out pretty well for my first fanfiction, don't you think? R&R!

Hasta la Pasta~!

-xXTomatoBoxFairyXx


	7. Found out

The match-making trio froze in their tracks, unable to take their eyes away from the furious German in front of them. Three pairs of eyes in various colors widened as they awaited the yelling to begin. Prussia bit his lip. In his life there was only one other thing he was scared of besides Hungary and her frying pan. And that was his brother when he was angry. But his brother didn't explode into a fit of rage like most people did. Oh no, his brother was much worse, preferring to let a tense, fiery, silence hang in the air as the ones who were afraid of him cowered.

Prussia let his eyes flicker to the Italian behind his brother, who had gotten out a white flag from who-knows-where and was preparing to wave it should things get any worse. He was going to have to take a chance to break the unbearable silence. The albino stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Hey West! Um, what are you doing down here?"

'I could ask you the same thing."

"But I live down here."

"Yes, but what is Gott's name is that?"

The older German's voice was dangerously and unusually calm. Germany pointed stiffly at the computer monitor behind Prussia. Hungary and France scrambled to stand awkwardly in front of the computer in a futile attempt to block it from sight.

"Its… um….eh, my computer?"

"What is on the computer, bruder?"

"Oh, we were just watching some videos and stuff, then you came down here."

"Then surely you wont mind if I take a look at the screen, hm?"

Prussia could do nothing but stand aside and gesture for Hungary and France to move out of the way. There was no way the three were going to get out of this mess without a struggle. Everything around them pointed to their guilt; the camera footage on the computer, the camera around Hungary's neck, and the undeniable guilty look in all three pairs of eyes. Suddenly a plan wormed its way into Prussia's mind. He motioned for the two others to come stand by him. France and Hungary exchanged confused looks, but snuck over to Prussia anyways. Prussia whispered, barely audible.

"On the count of three, we run. Just follow me. Got it?"

France and Hungary gave a hardly-there nod of their heads. Germany stared at the computer monitor with a expressionless face.

Prussia raised one finger behind his back.

Germany's ice blue eyes widened.

He raised a second finger.

Germany balled his hands into fists as his brain put the pieces together.

Third finger.

Germany whipped around to confront his brother, just in time to see the trio make a mad dash for the door, knocking Italy over in a flurry of limbs on the way out. Germany made a move to follow them and got about halfway down the hall, but was stopped when he heard wailing from behind him.

"Germanyyyyyy! UWAH! Save meeeeeeee!"

The blond nation stopped in his tracks and turned around to quite a comical sight. Italy was laying on his back on the floor, limbs splayed out and flailing as he desperately waved a white flag. Germany fcaepalmed. He headed back to Italy and offered a hand, which the Italian immediately grasped and was hauled back on his feet. Italy glomped Germany, hugging his thin arms around Germany's broad, muscular chest with a goofy grin on his face.

"Vee~ Germany saved me!"

"Ja, sure. Are you ok?"

"Si! I'm fine. But what about Prussia, France, and Hungary?"

"…. I guess its ok if we let them go. You do know what they did, right?"

"Hehe, I know Germany! They set us up, right?"

"U-um, ja."

Italy tilted his head up and rested his chin on Germany's chest, looking up at him with those bright amber eyes.

"Germany, why are you letting those three go?"

"…Um, well I figured their plan didn't really matter, as long as we were…together."

"I agree with you Germany. I like being with you!"

".._Ich liebe dich."_

"_Ti amo."_

A huge grin plastered itself onto Italy's face and he buried his face in Germany's chest. Germany wrapped his strong arms around the small nation. He tilted his head down and planted a soft, loving, kiss in Italy's auburn hair before resting his chin on the top of his head. Germany then did something he hadn't done in a long time.

He smiled.


End file.
